Agony...warning graphic and triggering information

I apologize for not posting in a while. I came home on August 23, 2011 to the most devastating sight. I found my beautiful husband hanging in the basement of our home. I called 911, cut him down and did CPR. I was sure that  he was going to make it, then the EMS told me that he was gone. I screamed for about two days straight begging him to breathe and to come back to me. I can not describe to you the pain I feel inside. I am so lost without him. I cried today because I had to take the garbage out and that was his job. I cried today because I had to finalize the monument for my beautiful husband. He made my life a fairy tale, he doted on me, he loved me unconditionally. I have only ever had two people love me unconditionally...my husband and my Gran...now they are both gone. I will admit that I thought of joining them..quite seriously in fact but something is keeping me anchored to this stupid life of mine. I am lost. Grief rips at my soul every minute of every day. I am continually dissociating in the middle of conversations. I don't remember things. I just want to fly away from this pain but my wings and spirit are broken. Kent, my love, my dream come true, I will love you forever and always, I will love you to the moon and back. I would do anything to bring you back my sweet, sweet husband. I would die for you...I would do anything. Until we meet again my lovely husband, until we meet again...For those that are low please get help, suicide leaves gaping holes in people's spirits..it is simply not the answer even though I know it is the easy choice to make. I beg you please get help. I can't help Kent anymore, I tried, I really tried but I couldn't...I am here if you need an ear.