I have come to realize that I will never move forward unless I face some of my fears. I will never be able to get the EMDR trauma therapy that I desperately need. So here are some fears I have faced in the last week: conflict with my Mother, was open with my sisters, went shopping for clothes, went for a bra fitting, ate after fasting for 5 days, applied to volunteer at the Cancer Society, turned 40, continually dealt with depression, anxiety, insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares and body sensations, I ventured out of the safety of my cage, I allowed myself to feel anger and hurt, acknowledged that I can never be perfect, was honest with my cousin, had a heart to heart with my younger brother about our parents, looked up swim times, went through my closet and got rid of two large bags of clothes (too big), stayed alive for my family, asked for support, cried, trying to accept that I will not be having a child, grieved miscarriage, allowed myself to feel loved on my b-day, and I made a new friend who is in recovery from ed.
My first try at a positive poem:
HOPE
filled with wonder, breathing in the air
a song filling my being
positive energy flowing around me
sun beaming, warming my soul
enveloped by love
choices not torture
my heart welcomes the warmth
freedom in my hands
I have time
I have faith
I can be strong again
hope
Song of the day: I have a dream by Abba...:)
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